There is much to
learn about planning a wedding. As a bride-to-be you will be immersed in the
wedding world and will be introduced to new, unforgettable experiences of which
the most taxing will be creating the guest list.
Allow me to be
the friend who whispers helpful tips in your ear moments before introducing you
to “The Wedding Guest List.”
1.
The Wedding Guest List is Emotional,
Treat with Care.
As
you will soon discover (if you haven’t already begun the process) compiling a
guest list is a team effort. Yes, a wedding should be about the bride and
groom, but it also represents the union of two families. Therefore, important
players on each side of the family should be consulted during the creation of
the guest list. With clashing opinions, stubborn personalities and emotions at
stake, consider implementing a systematized method to create your guest list—such
as,
·
The
A, B, C, D List: Categorize the potential invitees respectively (A list being
those you couldn’t imagine missing your wedding and D list being those you’d
like to invite but are not sure you have room) and eliminate from bottom, up.
·
A
Piece of the Pie: Determine the desired number of guests and figure an evenly
split percentage among all parties involved for equally mixed representation.
Note: When delegating an allotted number of
invitees for each party involved, splitting the shares equally may be
problematic for two reasons:
1. One side of the family may be
significantly larger than the other. In this case, think proportional. You’re
better off allowing more seats to be reserved for the side with the larger
family instead of having the smaller family struggle to fill the quota with
distant family or friends.
2. Financial responsibility. Traditionally,
the bride’s parents are financially responsible for the wedding. However, there
are cases in which the groom’s parents agree to pitch in financially or will
even agree to split the bill 50/50. Whoever is contributing the larger amount (or
is entirely funding the celebration), carries more weight in the decision
making, has the right to delegate allotted number of seats to parties involved
as they see fit, and owns final say on the guest list. If the financial
contributions are shared equally, A Piece
of the Pie is a good objective method to enforce.
2.
A Plus One May or May Not Apply
Being
accompanied by a date to a wedding is commonly expected among single men and
women. However, a bride is not bound by this general expectation and has the
right to draw her own line. So where exactly is the line and how does it get
enforced? Consult the guidelines below.
Where
to Draw The Line
·
Definite
Plus Ones: Includes couples who are married or engaged.
·
Potential
Plus Ones: Includes invitees who are in serious, committed relationships with a
significant other. Deciding which potential plus ones to include or exclude
falls into a grey area. Aside from
considering the ramifications of your budget and venue capacity, get personal.
Reflect on how well acquainted you are with the potential plus one and ask
yourself whether you’re willing to spend X amount of money to have them attend.
Asking that question has proven successful with brides in the past and will
lend aid in drawing the line.
·
No
Plus Ones: Includes invitees who are single. Attending a wedding single is not
the end of the world. Conversely, it could be an opportunity to meet someone
new!
How
to Enforce The Line
1.
Your
wedding invitation. How you address the invitee on the envelope should send the
message loud and clear. Be sure the recipient is able to distinguish who is
being invited. Is the invitation addressed to a Mr. & Mrs. Smith, a Mr. or
Ms. Smith with an allotted option for plus one on the RSVP card, or simply a
Mr. or Ms. Smith? Be intentional.
2.
Your
wedding planner. Involved in many aspects of planning a wedding, a wedding
coordinator has various responsibilities—one of which is handling the RSVP list
and any problems that may arise with it. For example, if an RSVP is returned
with a plus one you didn’t plan or allot for, your wedding planner needs to
call the individual and resolve the issue. If you are a bride who opted out of
hiring a wedding planner, then appoint an enforcer to handle complications that
may arise with the guest list.
Last
word of advice on drawing the line—stick to it! Once you’ve decided where to
draw the line, make NO exceptions.
3.
The Wedding Guest List Has Children- It’s
Complicated
To
host kids or not to host kids, that is the question. No, seriously—it’s an
important question! Some couples want to include children at the wedding
because having the entire family present is meaningful, while other couples conclude
involving children at the wedding could be a distraction. Regardless of your
reasons, for or against, it’s advised either scenario is handled as follows:
·
With
Children: Deciding to include children will require you provide a kids meal
option. In addition, inquire about arranging crayons and coloring sheets to be
placed where the children will be seated to keep them occupied.
·
Without
Children: For guests traveling with children from out of town, it’s common
courtesy to provide child care resources. Whether it’s a referral or a web link
to a list of certified caretakers in the area, make it easy for your invited
guests to enjoy the wedding without a worry.
4.
The Wedding Guest List Demands to Be
Center of Attention
And
rightfully so! Establishing a guest list early on should not only be a priority
for all brides, but it’s also a tremendous aid in the planning process. Crucial
details revolve around the guest list—such as invitation orders, catering
estimates, chair rentals, engagement parties, bridal showers and much more! In addition,
the guest list serves as a reference for which individuals can participate in
prenuptial events. It’s proper etiquette that invitations to engagement parties
and bridal showers be only extended to individuals who will receive a wedding
invitation; otherwise it’ll seem like you’re just fishing for gifts and that is
not polite.
5.
Facebook is a Wedding Guest List “Frenemy”
You’re
getting married, it’s exciting and you want to share! That’s OK. Most brides
like to post updates about the wedding process on Facebook and other social
media channels. It’s a phenomenon I like to call PDP (Public Display of Planning)
and it generates a sense of support and love from the community. But what
happens when you get a message from a Facebook friend asking if they’ll be on
your guest list and you hadn’t planned on inviting them? Although an awkward
situation, politely address the inquiry and be honest. Stand firm to the lines
you drew when establishing the wedding guest list and respond with a logical
explanation if need be. For example, see scenario below:
Anne
(Facebook Friend)
Message:
Hi Mary-congratulations on your engagement! I can’t wait to attend the wedding;
you’re going to be such a beautiful bride. I’m on the guest list, right?
Mary
(Bride-to-Be)
Response:
Hi Anne- thank you for the message! It’s so surreal; I’m still trying to wrap
my mind around it. I would love to invite every one of my friends to the
wedding, but unfortunately it’s not in my budget to do so. I want to maintain
an intimate atmosphere, so for that reason a lot of my friends, including you,
will not receive an invitation. However, I would be delighted to meet you for
coffee soon to catch up! I appreciate your enthusiasm and support. Thanks for
understanding.
Now the time has
come to make the introduction—Bride-to-Be, meet The Wedding Guest List. I hope
you two will have a prosperous relationship.
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